I was contemplating deleting this blog, I do have another that I left alone as I felt I should only WRITE, not talk or discuss anything. I find since I’ve entered a more grown up life I don’t have the space in my head to create anything readable. And to be honest I prefer writing Film/TV scripts rather than monologues or poems. As a person I’m not a romantic, so why should I attempt a hand at poetry. I’m not a stage actress anymore, not that I ever was but throughout College and University thats where I stood and felt like me, so writing a monologue that was part of a much bigger stage script seemed pointless. I’m clearly not an actress you see in the Soaps or Cinema, so my script writing stopped too. I believe I let my dissapointment wash over everything after University as I had no guidance in where to go next, for almost 2 years I was simply a customer service assistant and baker before I found Word Press, which let me release some of what was clogging up my mind. That first blog didn’t last very long, it got forgotten as life was first priority and I had rent to pay to family. Time passed and I met someone (now fiancé) who encouraged me to write again, inspiration didn’t hit very quickly but his support and belief I was any good shined brighter than anything had in the last 2 years.
I then became a victim of bullying through my blog, where I’d opened myself up just a little bit and felt a thimble full of trust towards the people who began to follow my ramblings. Someone who felt they were a sort of keyboard warrior sitting at their screen never to be found took it upon themselves to attack me and create an even bigger wound, constantly hacking and pealing away at more vulnerable words I’d shared to you all. I’ll admit, they won. But now I know who to go to if this does happen again and its not the ? Help button I assure you. So I implore anyone who has felt like that, or is being attacked online right now, whether its here or Facebook or any other social media.
Moving on from the misery and anxiety I have felt ever since, I’m back and I’m going to stay. I made this blog about a month or so after the cyber bullying because I still wanted to write, or attempt at anything interesting to read. I’ve lost all of my other followers on my last blog and this one is very slow gaining them. It takes a hit at the trust when you open yourself up, I’ve spoken to a few of you on here who have felt that stab of disappointment when you see someone has over 200 followers to the awesome bloggers who have +2000 followers! But don’t let it in, never feel you are not enough because right now thats who you are and what you can share.
Carry on x